Ungrateful Kids!

On Saturday I drove 30 minutes to base to let the kids play in the wooden fortress and splash pad. Patience sat on my shoulder and clapped joyfully as I watched the time tick ever so slowly by. I tried to enjoy my kids’ laughter as I watched them squeal and run around. They had such a great time and I was able to read tiny snippets of a book I brought in between, “Mom, come push me,” “Mom, watch this!” and wet hugs. We left when they were worn out and I enjoyed the quiet drive home, feeling a bit proud that I drove out to base just for my kids to play at that park, as I usually incorporate longer drives with multiple purposes. After we got home, cleaned up and ate an easy dinner, I remembered that I needed to go to the store. Walking into the store, my oldest daughter snorted and said, “Gee. All we did today was go to the park.”

Rage ripped through me like a dam had busted. I glared at her, unable to form a nice enough sentence to respond to her flippant dismissal of what had cost me gas, time and sweat (Florida is HOT). All I managed to mumble was that she was ungrateful. I mean, really, what do you say when your child is so unappreciative? They don’t know what it feels like to sit and watch someone else play for hours on end as you swelter in the heat and they won’t understand until 20 years have passed and the roles are reversed.

Not to sound self-centered, but what about me? Did my life expire the moment I gave birth? Was it God’s plan for us to become servants of our children, always looking for ways to entertain them and keep them occupied? Are we supposed to plan activity after activity, dare they have to entertain themselves?? No, I don’t believe that was God’s intention at all.

Kids were created with natural curiosity and imagination, but in the days of 24 hour cartoons and oodles of electronic games, it easier to sit down and be entertained by someone else. A great habit to get into is shutting off the television – not even having it on as background noise – and telling your kids to go play. Mine typically moan and groan and try to weasel me into entertaining them, but when they see I’m not budging, they will go find creative things to do all on their own. My goal is to make this the norm and make television a treat, but it’s a tough habit to adopt.

So when kids expect entertainment, perhaps it shouldn’t shock us so much when they don’t appreciate a special form of entertainment or treat (going to the movie, a trip to the ice cream shop, an out of the way park), because to kids, they are used to being entertained. I will tell you what I’ve learned and held onto: kids are going to say hurtful, dismissive things to us because they are solely and 100% selfish. They do think the world revolves around them and they will continue to think that way until they mature. Perhaps that explains the constant, “Mommy, mommy, mommy,” chant while you’re on the phone or the ridiculous pout after they’ve opened 15 birthday presents and discover there’s no more. They’re selfish and so were we once, oh so long ago. If selfish seems like too strong of a term, how about self-absorbed?

Keeping that in perspective (that they are selfish not to be mean, but because of the way their minds work) might soften the blows they dish out. By all means, address the nastiness, but don’t let it penetrate into that ooey, gooey sweet spot you have for your child. Put a filter over it, so to speak. Continue taking your kids out on adventures and doing special things with them, but I would also caution you to not be their sole source of entertainment. Encourage solo play to allow their imagination and creativity to take root and grow.

I plan to take my kids to a local water park today. I am already preparing myself for the inevitable question when we are returning home, “Now what are we going to do?” and I am gearing myself up to not let the question bother me, even though I will be sweaty and surely partially dehydrated.

Enjoy your kids on this sunshiny (miserably hot and humid) day!