Foggy Instructions

Every once in a while I am hit with the realization that I don't explain enough to my kids. I have a few friends who flourish in step-by-step instructions, but it's not a natural reaction for me and I have to remind myself to do so. For instance, telling my kids to simply "get ready," is usually not enough. I will find them with morning breath, tangled hair and barefooted laying on the floor watching Noggin. Beyond exchanging their pj's for daytime clothes, nothing else has been done.

Twice in the last month, I have found my 8-yr-old daughter dressed for a play-date in a floor length, crushed velvet skirt with a matching long-sleeved shirt. Really? Must I reiterate what a play-date is to her? Apparently so, and not just once, but twice!

I am convinced that my 5-yr-old son changes his underwear multiple times a day. At folding time, I always have an enormous pile of his underwear, in comparison to the rest of the family. So either we aren't changing often enough, or he changes them for breakfast, lunch and maybe even after dinner. I have a laundry basket brimming with Scooby-Doo, Cars, and Transformers underwear sitting in my room at the foot of my bed next to an oscillating fan. This morning as I dried my hair, he came into my bathroom stark naked and complaining that, "I don't have any underwear."

"It's next to the fan," I said, seeing the fan easily from where I stood. I didn't see him grab any, so I hollered again, thinking he must not have heard me. He wandered back minutes later still naked. I pointed to the basket, "See, Ayden, it's next to the fan."

"Oh, that fan. I thought it was the other fan."

I was startled by his response. "The one on the ceiling?"

He nodded, grabbed his drawers and was gone. I stared after him, flabbergasted that my child thought I would direct him to a laundry basket sitting next to a ceiling fan.

Tonight the kids and I we went for a short walk after dinner. About 8 months ago we were notified that one of our closer neighbors was convicted of a sex crime against a minor and, in turn, we warned the children about him. We did our best to explain that he did a bad thing to a child, called molestation, which is when a grown-up touches a child in their private parts. It's such a difficult crime to explain to innocent children, but I've done my best. Or so I thought.

As we walked, Ayden pointed to the house and said, "We can't go there because that man pinches kids in their private parts." I was certain I misunderstood him, but bit back a laugh because what I thought I heard was pretty darn funny. Later, when we passed by again, Ayden repeated it loud and clear. "Yup. He pinches little kids in their private parts."

Honestly, I still think it's really funny that my son's innocent mind processed the abuse in this way. And why wouldn't he? In a child's mind, how else could a grown man possibly hurt a kids' private parts besides pinching them? Still, I know I need to explain further to my son and talk about the "ick" factor.

One story that sticks clearly in my mind is one my mom shared about her friend. When her friend was twelve, she was in a new foster home and her foster mom criticized her for not washing herself properly. She then realized that this poor child had never been shown how to wash her hair and body, nor how to put on deodorant and use proper hygiene. She had to teach this prepubescent child the right way to clean herself, because she had never been shown how to, just told to do it.

From how to get dressed, where to find things, how to wash your body, to serious warnings about molestation, kids need clear explanations in order to learn. I have to constantly remind myself that they are little and are dependent on me to teach them the basics and build from there. As I carried my babies in my womb, never did I consider some of the bizarre teachings I would have to give and I have this sinking suspicion that I haven't even scratched the surface yet. Good luck to all you, Mommy's. We are in this thing together!!