There's nothing to compete with the last day of school. It's a joyous occasion for both mom and kid alike. No more homework, no more social issues (i.e. bullying), no more hectic mornings, no more packing lunches...it's just great. It takes us a good week or two to get adjusted to the feeling of, "Now what do we do?" and by the time August rolls around, I have my own paper-countdown-chain for the first day of school. Life is funny like that.
This school year has made me much more aware of the things said at school. Yesterday, my eight-year-old Shaylah said, "I pointed to my snack with my middle finger and my friend told me I can't use my finger because it means, 'I am not your friend and I'm never going to be." Of course this, like most heavier subjects, was asked while we were in the car. I explained the middle finger as well as I knew how. I started off by showing her the "okay" and "thumbs-up" sign, asking her what they meant. Gold star, she got them both. I then explained that showing someone your middle finger is equivalent to cussing at them. She was horrified. "Why would they take our finger and make it a bad word?"
Conversations like that hurt my head. She's only 8, but I have made a rule with myself that I will not feed her serious questions with fluff. I went on to explain that her middle finger is not bad and that the way she pointed with it was not bad. It's when you hold your hand up to deliberately "flip someone off" that it becomes bad. She asked me if that's how you break up with a boy.
Grrrr...parenting is so hard!!
After a bit of deliberation, I told her the gesture stands for, "up yours," because I needed her to grasp the depth of the ugliness and that the phrase her friend told her (I'm not your friend and I'm never going to be) was an extremely softened version of what it really means. Of course, she then asked, "Up your what?" I told her the truth and the pieces finally clicked. I finished off our conversation explaining that the information I'm giving her is for her only and not to tell all her friend's about it.
I'm so glad today is the last day of school. Three months of blissful, uncomplicated days where I get to control their influences and reinstate good behavior. I stand behind my decision to parent with honesty and I would encourage all of my friends to do the same. If we don't tell them the truth about simple things like cussing and sex (really, it is simple, we just complicate it), then why would they come to us with questions or information about drugs, molestation or physical abuse?
Thanks for reading!!
Sheila,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoying reading your first post! Please keep em coming. As I read about your conversation with Shaylah it took me back to my days of getting hard questions from my children. I must confess that many times I looked for an answer that would stop the conversation rather than continue it. Of course, now I know that was the wrong way to handle it. Your children are blessed to have a Mom that will walk with them through the hard questions in life.
I am passing your blog on to my children! There's great, practical advice in your words!
Thanking God for you!
Dianne
I must confess that I have breezed over the tough questions before. The last one that I remember clearly was (yet again in the car!) when I was pregnant with Vanessa. Shaylah's little inquisitive voice in the backseat asked, "Mom, I know there's a baby growing in your tummy and I know how the baby gets out of your tummy, but what I want to know is how the baby got there in the first place." I could feel the blood drain out of my face, as she was only 4 1/2 and it was not something I was ready to discuss with her yet. I said that was a very big question that needed a one-on-one answer at home - not in the car. Luckily, she didn't ask for several more years. Whew. Thanks for reading and for your comment!
ReplyDeletei enjoyed reading your blog as well and look forward to future posts. it is great reading about people, particularally friends who are going thru some of the same stuff i am going through with my kids and learning how they deal with it. lona is also asking some of the hard questions lately as well. keep posting!!
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