Ungrateful Kids!

On Saturday I drove 30 minutes to base to let the kids play in the wooden fortress and splash pad. Patience sat on my shoulder and clapped joyfully as I watched the time tick ever so slowly by. I tried to enjoy my kids’ laughter as I watched them squeal and run around. They had such a great time and I was able to read tiny snippets of a book I brought in between, “Mom, come push me,” “Mom, watch this!” and wet hugs. We left when they were worn out and I enjoyed the quiet drive home, feeling a bit proud that I drove out to base just for my kids to play at that park, as I usually incorporate longer drives with multiple purposes. After we got home, cleaned up and ate an easy dinner, I remembered that I needed to go to the store. Walking into the store, my oldest daughter snorted and said, “Gee. All we did today was go to the park.”

Rage ripped through me like a dam had busted. I glared at her, unable to form a nice enough sentence to respond to her flippant dismissal of what had cost me gas, time and sweat (Florida is HOT). All I managed to mumble was that she was ungrateful. I mean, really, what do you say when your child is so unappreciative? They don’t know what it feels like to sit and watch someone else play for hours on end as you swelter in the heat and they won’t understand until 20 years have passed and the roles are reversed.

Not to sound self-centered, but what about me? Did my life expire the moment I gave birth? Was it God’s plan for us to become servants of our children, always looking for ways to entertain them and keep them occupied? Are we supposed to plan activity after activity, dare they have to entertain themselves?? No, I don’t believe that was God’s intention at all.

Kids were created with natural curiosity and imagination, but in the days of 24 hour cartoons and oodles of electronic games, it easier to sit down and be entertained by someone else. A great habit to get into is shutting off the television – not even having it on as background noise – and telling your kids to go play. Mine typically moan and groan and try to weasel me into entertaining them, but when they see I’m not budging, they will go find creative things to do all on their own. My goal is to make this the norm and make television a treat, but it’s a tough habit to adopt.

So when kids expect entertainment, perhaps it shouldn’t shock us so much when they don’t appreciate a special form of entertainment or treat (going to the movie, a trip to the ice cream shop, an out of the way park), because to kids, they are used to being entertained. I will tell you what I’ve learned and held onto: kids are going to say hurtful, dismissive things to us because they are solely and 100% selfish. They do think the world revolves around them and they will continue to think that way until they mature. Perhaps that explains the constant, “Mommy, mommy, mommy,” chant while you’re on the phone or the ridiculous pout after they’ve opened 15 birthday presents and discover there’s no more. They’re selfish and so were we once, oh so long ago. If selfish seems like too strong of a term, how about self-absorbed?

Keeping that in perspective (that they are selfish not to be mean, but because of the way their minds work) might soften the blows they dish out. By all means, address the nastiness, but don’t let it penetrate into that ooey, gooey sweet spot you have for your child. Put a filter over it, so to speak. Continue taking your kids out on adventures and doing special things with them, but I would also caution you to not be their sole source of entertainment. Encourage solo play to allow their imagination and creativity to take root and grow.

I plan to take my kids to a local water park today. I am already preparing myself for the inevitable question when we are returning home, “Now what are we going to do?” and I am gearing myself up to not let the question bother me, even though I will be sweaty and surely partially dehydrated.

Enjoy your kids on this sunshiny (miserably hot and humid) day!

School's Out for Summer

There's nothing to compete with the last day of school. It's a joyous occasion for both mom and kid alike. No more homework, no more social issues (i.e. bullying), no more hectic mornings, no more packing lunches...it's just great. It takes us a good week or two to get adjusted to the feeling of, "Now what do we do?" and by the time August rolls around, I have my own paper-countdown-chain for the first day of school. Life is funny like that.

This school year has made me much more aware of the things said at school. Yesterday, my eight-year-old Shaylah said, "I pointed to my snack with my middle finger and my friend told me I can't use my finger because it means, 'I am not your friend and I'm never going to be." Of course this, like most heavier subjects, was asked while we were in the car. I explained the middle finger as well as I knew how. I started off by showing her the "okay" and "thumbs-up" sign, asking her what they meant. Gold star, she got them both. I then explained that showing someone your middle finger is equivalent to cussing at them. She was horrified. "Why would they take our finger and make it a bad word?"

Conversations like that hurt my head. She's only 8, but I have made a rule with myself that I will not feed her serious questions with fluff. I went on to explain that her middle finger is not bad and that the way she pointed with it was not bad. It's when you hold your hand up to deliberately "flip someone off" that it becomes bad. She asked me if that's how you break up with a boy.

Grrrr...parenting is so hard!!

After a bit of deliberation, I told her the gesture stands for, "up yours," because I needed her to grasp the depth of the ugliness and that the phrase her friend told her (I'm not your friend and I'm never going to be) was an extremely softened version of what it really means. Of course, she then asked, "Up your what?" I told her the truth and the pieces finally clicked. I finished off our conversation explaining that the information I'm giving her is for her only and not to tell all her friend's about it.

I'm so glad today is the last day of school. Three months of blissful, uncomplicated days where I get to control their influences and reinstate good behavior. I stand behind my decision to parent with honesty and I would encourage all of my friends to do the same. If we don't tell them the truth about simple things like cussing and sex (really, it is simple, we just complicate it), then why would they come to us with questions or information about drugs, molestation or physical abuse?

Thanks for reading!!