Is It a Condition or Boy-Syndrome?

I'm not sure if it's because my first child was a girl that perhaps I grew a deluded idea of what children were like, but now, 7 years later, I'm still flabbergasted daily by my son and his need for constant reminders. It's to the point that I'm wondering if there's an underlying medical condition going on in which a memory muncher gobbles up the info the moment he says, "Okay, Mom!" and then munch, crunch, swallow the info is quickly disposed of.

We decided on Monday that Ayden, the 7-yr-old in question, does not need to play Wii before school in the mornings, due to the reaction he has when it's time to shut it off. I worry about gaming addiction and I'm pretty sure he's a prime candidate for it. He gets very emotional about his gaming time and could probably play - literally - all day, foregoing food and drink. I have woken up at 5:30 a.m. to him already up and playing, which is concerning considering that he takes after his dad and I generally have to drag him out of bed.

That being said, and getting back to my original topic, the first words out of his mouth on Tuesday were, "Can I play Wii this morning?" His bright blue eyes hopeful until I answered and popped his dreams, his eyes filling instantly with tears. Today he tried a different tactic: "Did you mean that I couldn't play Wii yesterday morning, but that today it's okay?" Uh, no, what I said was, "You are not allowed to play Wii in the mornings before school. Period." Again with the disappointed reaction. He's been warned that he's now at risk now of losing it for an extended period of time...like until next summer.

So that's one example of his forgetfulness, but what really throws me for a loop is the, "Ayden, go wash your breakfast off your face," and off he runs to accomplish this goal. Minutes later I discover that his face is just as dirty as it was before he ran off. "Ayden, why didn't you wash your face?" A quick look of startled remembrance occurs and off he runs again. Really? You forgot in your run to the bathroom the very reason why you were running there? Look, I might end up looking around a room totally lost and confused about why I'm in the room, but I'm 33 with 3 kids, a husband and tons of responsibility...besides this blog isn't about me.

This morning he dressed himself in camouflage pants and a lime green shirt. "Go change into shorts," I said, "you don't match." He came out wearing khaki pants, but since they matched I held my tongue because I'm very aware of how many times I correct the poor kid and I don't want to give him a complex. Yesterday he had to change his socks THREE times - first tall black ones, then tall white ones and then finally ankle socks (you know, the appropriate kind when you're wearing shorts).

This constant forgetfulness happens with putting shoes on, picking up toys, washing hands, brushing teeth, eating breakfast...just about any instructions I give him are at risk of being forgotten the moment it enters his mind. We've even loaded into the car with NO SHOES on him before and his defense is a quick shoulder shrug and a quiet, "I forgot."

This morning all the kids had a dentist appointments so they were late for school. We unloaded at the school and are walking up the sidewalk and my oldest says to Ayden, "Get your backpack!" Sure enough, his sisters each have their backpacks on but he left his in the car. Granted, I didn't tell him to get it, I figured it was kind of obvious that he would need it.

So is this just a "boy thing"? I've endured the ER visits, the extra-watchful eye to ensure he doesn't jump from the highest point of the swing set and the need for speed, but is this forgetfulness a trademark condition of boyhood or is it something I need to pay closer attention to, that perhaps it does mean that something isn't connecting in that mind of his?

Being a mom is the best job I've ever had, though I live with the certainty that I'm not qualified for this task of raising children to become self-sufficient adults. After all, if I can't properly relay to my child that he has chocolate smeared all over his face that he needs to go wash off, how can I think that one day he'll be able to drive a car, use a grill (oh my word, what a terrifying thought!!!) and raise a family of his own?

Love 'em while they'll still let you and thanks for reading!

Stretching a Dollar

Really, only 4 weeks left of summer? And to think that I had planned to have a fantastic summer for my kids, which really amounted to allowing them to swim their hearts out in the backyard. No, not in an in-ground pool, silly, but in a metal-frame liner pool that has decided to start leaking. Still, it's fun because it gets them wet and wears them out.

The biggest problem I'm having with the 6 week summer here is the lack of funding. I think that's the most common denominator of my life. No money or, more accurately, not enough money. As a stay-at-home mom for going on 10 years, I've learned to stretch the dollar just about as far as it can without ripping it in two. With back-to-school just around the corner, it's not the time to blast through cash when two of the kids need new backpacks, all need new shoes, all will need an insane amount of school supplies and I like to treat the kids to at least one new fashionable back-to-school outfit. Yeah, I'm one heck of a crazy spender, eh?

When I consider that we have 3 lovely kids, a nice 4-bedroom house, 3 cars (okay, they all have over 100,000 miles but no one's counting except me!) and are doing it all on one paycheck, I can't help but applaud myself for surviving the stay-at-home crunch. We knew it would be hard going into it, but we've done quite well. This fall all three of my kids will be in public school, gulp, and I will enter into a 2-yr-nursing program, which means that my time at home is on countdown mode. It's a surreal position. I never thought I'd get to this point and honestly I never wanted to. If God would grant me the request to rewind the time back to the birth of my first child, I'd do it in a heartbeat, as being a young mom and raising three amazing, healthy kids has been the highlight of my life.

However, I'm not as sad as I thought I'd be. I thought I'd be teary eyed and wistful, considering the last of my babies is about to head off to the Kindergarten. I'm a little excited, really, not to the point that I'm ready to shove them all out the door and deadbolt it behind them, but excited for the next chapter and not dreading it the way that I thought I would. In two years, God-willing, I'll have a job that actually pays money. What a crazy idea that is!

Looking back at the hardest years of buying diapers and looking at my current situation, here is a little list of money saving tips that made the biggest impact:

1. Don't keep up with others. Sometimes you have to let friendships go that pressure you into making purchases, always eating out, always shopping, always spending, spending, spending.
2. Pay attention to your grocery bill. I plan 2-weeks worth of dinner ideas, clip coupons and shop accordingly. The menu planning made the single biggest impact on our grocery bill.
3. Budget everything, except for a small amount of spending money. Gas, groceries, utilities, clothing, entertainment, etc. If you have to, go to the envelope method which is when you take X number of envelopes, write what their use is for and put the allotted amount of cash in each. This is a good wake-up call for a lot of people. When you go to the grocery store with $200 cash and no back-up plan, such as a debit or credit card, you will be much more careful about what you throw in your cart!
4. Learn how to say "No" to your kids and stick to it.
5. Rent movies and only go to the theater for really special shows.
6. Watch how often you eat out...consider how much that $30 price-tag would have bought at a grocery store.
7. Accept all hand-me-downs. Accepting doesn't mean you have to keep them all! Keep what you like and pass the rest along.
8. Be aware of recurring monthly charges, as they add up really quickly. Make a list and see who you're paying and why. Ask if you think it's worth it and go from there.
   
9. Save up for big purchases. In the long run, you'll appreciate it more if you had to wait 8 months pinching penny's versus charging it in an insant, plus you'll be exercising your discipline for future purchases.
   

There are a million and one ways to save money, this is just a quick list of the things I've done over the years to survive on one paycheck. It's been an educational journey and I don't regret one second of it! Happy summer!

Sports Mania

It mostly my fault, I get it. I've succumbed to the pressure of sports. It started last year with t-ball/softball and has leaked over into the fall season to encompass football and cheerleading. You know those people who you invite somewhere and their response is always, "Sorry, we have a game," or "Can't do it, we have practice." Well, I've become one of them.

The thing I hate the most about the sports deal are the running, running, running. Poor Shawn left work twice that week and came directly to the practice field. The great news is all three of our kids have the same practice time at the same field. While Ayden's tackling (or trying to dodge being tackled) the girls are learning their cheers.

Aside from the extra-stress of having yet another "thing" added to my list, I believe I have come to pinpoint why I'm relishing in the sports pool. Aside from the obvious of introducing kids to teamwork, skill and exercise, it forces family time. We are out there watching our kids and cheering them on, versus being at home with everybody doing their own thing. As much as I hate to admit it, I need a little forced family time out of the house with my kiddos.

If you are sitting on the sidelines wondering if you can handle the extra job of practices and games, I can tell you that for me it's been totally worth it. I dragged my heels forever, not wanting to become "one of them," because I didn't want sports to rule my life, but now I'm seeing that it doesn't rule it, it helps prioritizes it. I'm not saying that sports are the priority, I'm saying that the family is and that sports can help enhance that.

The Doctor Says So

Dr. Sarda isn't much bigger than my kids. She has bright blue eyes, quick wit and a no-nonsense way about her. I think she comes to my shoulder. Maybe.

Shaylah's asthma has been acting up and I couldn't get her wheezing until control, so I had to go in and get her some steroids on Monday. Me and the three kids packed up and headed to base. I let them pick their toys - the two youngest chose a coloring book and colors, Shaylah opted for her DS.

I didn't even get a chance to complete my paperwork before they called us back. The kids groaned as I pulled them away from SpongeBob and within minutes we were in the patient room with the doctor. Not bad, eh?

Then it started. Vanessa and Ayden sat in two chairs next to each other. Or we supposed to sit. Vanessa began taking her shoes off and jumping up on the table with Shaylah. I would get on her to get back to the chair and put her shoes back on. I told them both to color in their books, but the toys were left abandoned on the floor. I was trying to answer the doctors questions, but soon both Ayden and Vanessa had their shoes off and were jumping in the middle of the room. I told them firmly to go sit back down; ignored once again. Or I shouldn't say ignored, they listen as I watched, but the second my attention drifted back to the doctor, they did what they wanted to do - jumping around, being nosy, giggling, etc.

It infuriates me when my kids don't listen. It's a horrible reflection on my parenting and shows an inability to control my charges. The doctor even commented, "You look like a mom who's in the middle of summer vacation with her kids." I know she didn't say it to be nasty, but it hurt. I want to enjoy my kids, but how in the world do you enjoy disobedient little monkeys?

Then, as our ability to talk and listen got shorter and shorter, she turned to my two youngest and said, "Get your shoes on and sit down now! I can't talk to your mom when she's distracted by you, because then it distracts me. Now sit there quietly and count to 200 in your head. We'll be down soon." My kids immediately obeyed, I mumbled a thanks and we finished our conversation.

The minute we left my face began burning as the humiliation rose up. Did a doctor truly have to get control of my children for me?? Why don't my kids listen to me? I set my jaw and said, "You're both getting spankings when we get home and then I'm telling your dad about what happened and I hope he spanks you again."

We had three other sit-and-wait excursions that followed (pharmacy, lab, barber shop) and my kids were little angels in the waiting rooms, sitting silently in their chairs in hopes that the Fanny Whacker would not be removed from it's place on the wall.

Their silent obedience did not work.

Foggy Instructions

Every once in a while I am hit with the realization that I don't explain enough to my kids. I have a few friends who flourish in step-by-step instructions, but it's not a natural reaction for me and I have to remind myself to do so. For instance, telling my kids to simply "get ready," is usually not enough. I will find them with morning breath, tangled hair and barefooted laying on the floor watching Noggin. Beyond exchanging their pj's for daytime clothes, nothing else has been done.

Twice in the last month, I have found my 8-yr-old daughter dressed for a play-date in a floor length, crushed velvet skirt with a matching long-sleeved shirt. Really? Must I reiterate what a play-date is to her? Apparently so, and not just once, but twice!

I am convinced that my 5-yr-old son changes his underwear multiple times a day. At folding time, I always have an enormous pile of his underwear, in comparison to the rest of the family. So either we aren't changing often enough, or he changes them for breakfast, lunch and maybe even after dinner. I have a laundry basket brimming with Scooby-Doo, Cars, and Transformers underwear sitting in my room at the foot of my bed next to an oscillating fan. This morning as I dried my hair, he came into my bathroom stark naked and complaining that, "I don't have any underwear."

"It's next to the fan," I said, seeing the fan easily from where I stood. I didn't see him grab any, so I hollered again, thinking he must not have heard me. He wandered back minutes later still naked. I pointed to the basket, "See, Ayden, it's next to the fan."

"Oh, that fan. I thought it was the other fan."

I was startled by his response. "The one on the ceiling?"

He nodded, grabbed his drawers and was gone. I stared after him, flabbergasted that my child thought I would direct him to a laundry basket sitting next to a ceiling fan.

Tonight the kids and I we went for a short walk after dinner. About 8 months ago we were notified that one of our closer neighbors was convicted of a sex crime against a minor and, in turn, we warned the children about him. We did our best to explain that he did a bad thing to a child, called molestation, which is when a grown-up touches a child in their private parts. It's such a difficult crime to explain to innocent children, but I've done my best. Or so I thought.

As we walked, Ayden pointed to the house and said, "We can't go there because that man pinches kids in their private parts." I was certain I misunderstood him, but bit back a laugh because what I thought I heard was pretty darn funny. Later, when we passed by again, Ayden repeated it loud and clear. "Yup. He pinches little kids in their private parts."

Honestly, I still think it's really funny that my son's innocent mind processed the abuse in this way. And why wouldn't he? In a child's mind, how else could a grown man possibly hurt a kids' private parts besides pinching them? Still, I know I need to explain further to my son and talk about the "ick" factor.

One story that sticks clearly in my mind is one my mom shared about her friend. When her friend was twelve, she was in a new foster home and her foster mom criticized her for not washing herself properly. She then realized that this poor child had never been shown how to wash her hair and body, nor how to put on deodorant and use proper hygiene. She had to teach this prepubescent child the right way to clean herself, because she had never been shown how to, just told to do it.

From how to get dressed, where to find things, how to wash your body, to serious warnings about molestation, kids need clear explanations in order to learn. I have to constantly remind myself that they are little and are dependent on me to teach them the basics and build from there. As I carried my babies in my womb, never did I consider some of the bizarre teachings I would have to give and I have this sinking suspicion that I haven't even scratched the surface yet. Good luck to all you, Mommy's. We are in this thing together!!

School's Out for Summer

There's nothing to compete with the last day of school. It's a joyous occasion for both mom and kid alike. No more homework, no more social issues (i.e. bullying), no more hectic mornings, no more packing lunches...it's just great. It takes us a good week or two to get adjusted to the feeling of, "Now what do we do?" and by the time August rolls around, I have my own paper-countdown-chain for the first day of school. Life is funny like that.

This school year has made me much more aware of the things said at school. Yesterday, my eight-year-old Shaylah said, "I pointed to my snack with my middle finger and my friend told me I can't use my finger because it means, 'I am not your friend and I'm never going to be." Of course this, like most heavier subjects, was asked while we were in the car. I explained the middle finger as well as I knew how. I started off by showing her the "okay" and "thumbs-up" sign, asking her what they meant. Gold star, she got them both. I then explained that showing someone your middle finger is equivalent to cussing at them. She was horrified. "Why would they take our finger and make it a bad word?"

Conversations like that hurt my head. She's only 8, but I have made a rule with myself that I will not feed her serious questions with fluff. I went on to explain that her middle finger is not bad and that the way she pointed with it was not bad. It's when you hold your hand up to deliberately "flip someone off" that it becomes bad. She asked me if that's how you break up with a boy.

Grrrr...parenting is so hard!!

After a bit of deliberation, I told her the gesture stands for, "up yours," because I needed her to grasp the depth of the ugliness and that the phrase her friend told her (I'm not your friend and I'm never going to be) was an extremely softened version of what it really means. Of course, she then asked, "Up your what?" I told her the truth and the pieces finally clicked. I finished off our conversation explaining that the information I'm giving her is for her only and not to tell all her friend's about it.

I'm so glad today is the last day of school. Three months of blissful, uncomplicated days where I get to control their influences and reinstate good behavior. I stand behind my decision to parent with honesty and I would encourage all of my friends to do the same. If we don't tell them the truth about simple things like cussing and sex (really, it is simple, we just complicate it), then why would they come to us with questions or information about drugs, molestation or physical abuse?

Thanks for reading!!