Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Is It a Condition or Boy-Syndrome?

I'm not sure if it's because my first child was a girl that perhaps I grew a deluded idea of what children were like, but now, 7 years later, I'm still flabbergasted daily by my son and his need for constant reminders. It's to the point that I'm wondering if there's an underlying medical condition going on in which a memory muncher gobbles up the info the moment he says, "Okay, Mom!" and then munch, crunch, swallow the info is quickly disposed of.

We decided on Monday that Ayden, the 7-yr-old in question, does not need to play Wii before school in the mornings, due to the reaction he has when it's time to shut it off. I worry about gaming addiction and I'm pretty sure he's a prime candidate for it. He gets very emotional about his gaming time and could probably play - literally - all day, foregoing food and drink. I have woken up at 5:30 a.m. to him already up and playing, which is concerning considering that he takes after his dad and I generally have to drag him out of bed.

That being said, and getting back to my original topic, the first words out of his mouth on Tuesday were, "Can I play Wii this morning?" His bright blue eyes hopeful until I answered and popped his dreams, his eyes filling instantly with tears. Today he tried a different tactic: "Did you mean that I couldn't play Wii yesterday morning, but that today it's okay?" Uh, no, what I said was, "You are not allowed to play Wii in the mornings before school. Period." Again with the disappointed reaction. He's been warned that he's now at risk now of losing it for an extended period of time...like until next summer.

So that's one example of his forgetfulness, but what really throws me for a loop is the, "Ayden, go wash your breakfast off your face," and off he runs to accomplish this goal. Minutes later I discover that his face is just as dirty as it was before he ran off. "Ayden, why didn't you wash your face?" A quick look of startled remembrance occurs and off he runs again. Really? You forgot in your run to the bathroom the very reason why you were running there? Look, I might end up looking around a room totally lost and confused about why I'm in the room, but I'm 33 with 3 kids, a husband and tons of responsibility...besides this blog isn't about me.

This morning he dressed himself in camouflage pants and a lime green shirt. "Go change into shorts," I said, "you don't match." He came out wearing khaki pants, but since they matched I held my tongue because I'm very aware of how many times I correct the poor kid and I don't want to give him a complex. Yesterday he had to change his socks THREE times - first tall black ones, then tall white ones and then finally ankle socks (you know, the appropriate kind when you're wearing shorts).

This constant forgetfulness happens with putting shoes on, picking up toys, washing hands, brushing teeth, eating breakfast...just about any instructions I give him are at risk of being forgotten the moment it enters his mind. We've even loaded into the car with NO SHOES on him before and his defense is a quick shoulder shrug and a quiet, "I forgot."

This morning all the kids had a dentist appointments so they were late for school. We unloaded at the school and are walking up the sidewalk and my oldest says to Ayden, "Get your backpack!" Sure enough, his sisters each have their backpacks on but he left his in the car. Granted, I didn't tell him to get it, I figured it was kind of obvious that he would need it.

So is this just a "boy thing"? I've endured the ER visits, the extra-watchful eye to ensure he doesn't jump from the highest point of the swing set and the need for speed, but is this forgetfulness a trademark condition of boyhood or is it something I need to pay closer attention to, that perhaps it does mean that something isn't connecting in that mind of his?

Being a mom is the best job I've ever had, though I live with the certainty that I'm not qualified for this task of raising children to become self-sufficient adults. After all, if I can't properly relay to my child that he has chocolate smeared all over his face that he needs to go wash off, how can I think that one day he'll be able to drive a car, use a grill (oh my word, what a terrifying thought!!!) and raise a family of his own?

Love 'em while they'll still let you and thanks for reading!

8 comments:

  1. Sheila, this is not a male vs. female thing. As a teacher, I've spent years observing children. There are forgetful boys and girls, and extremely thoughtful, well-organized boys and girls. It is most likely a personality trait. It sounds like Ayden has a busy, active mind. He's so engaged thinking of his next adventure that he forgets the trivial things (washing his face, taking his backpack). Can he sit still and concentrate when the item is not an electronic game? He's probably just an active child. Somehow, you ended up with girls who were more careful, better at following directions. While Ayden's behavior resembles many boys his age, it's not just a "boy trait".

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  2. Yes, he can concentrate like mad when he's building the latest and greatest Lego building; he can even deep clean his room and shock the socks off of me, but TELL him to do something and he's likely to forget (often times, more than once). :( I guess a personality trait is better than there truly being something wrong with him, though I get so frustrated in the "heat" of the moment, when it's time to go and he hasn't brushed his teeth or suddenly can't find his shoes....grrrr....Thanks for your comments - as a teacher I'm sure you've seen it all.

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  3. Sheila, forgetfulness at this age is nothing to "stress" over. :D Loved your writing, it reminded me of ALL three of Ayden's second cousins.

    One of the best ways to work around this "forgetfulness" is to double check for understanding...... i.e. "Ayden, go wash your breakfast off your face."......as he tearing down the hall, call out "What is it I need you to do?"
    He'll hauler back, "Wash my face!".....that assures you that he heard you. So much of the time in these "active" little bodies, they hear the direction and head off to go and do, but did not really/truly hear what it was they were to do while there. :D

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  4. My son, who is now grown, was (likely still is) the same way. His forgetfulness was so bad that I had to find other ways to gently remind him of the things he needed to do. A simple dry erase board placed in a strategic area helped my son become less forgetful. The constant visual reminder was a god-send. I know that may be an extreme way of describing it, but for me, that's what it was. He 'remembered' more on his own even though it was clearly spelled out for him on a daily basis and that helped him feel better about himself as well. No more nagging mom!

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  5. i loved to read this, it sure fits both my boys, thanks for posting it!

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  6. I totally agree "Mom-ing" is the best job in the world and yet I feel the same sense of inadequacy at times that I can actually raise my kids to be self-sufficient adults!
    I have a boy like yours with a forgetful mind, yet I also have a girl that is very similar. So it's taken some time and some observation and trial and error (& I haven't arrived by any means) but the truth with Josie was the typical forgetfulness. The reality for Jordan was ADHD. I'm not saying Ayden is ADHD, but what I am saying is that forgetfulness/short attention span/impulsive thoughts run on a continium. Jordan is at the diagnosable level. Josie is not, yet both can make me want to sip hot chocolate in the bath tub with lit candles and John Tesh playing in the background.

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  7. It's not a boy thing because Callie is the same way. Yesterday I told her to brush her hair before we left the house. Instead of complying she made faces at herself in the mirror. Not because she was being disobedient, but because she was going to do it and literally got distracted by the mirror. It drives me and Josh up the wall!

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  8. From Shar
    Your writing makes me laugh and giggle, and also want to cry, because it is so similar to some of my stories.
    A funnier one for me: Gabe, is my oldest, and rarely got into things he shouldn't have. Along came Kami, much more curious, yet still did not have the urge to write all of the walls. Colten came along, and nothing is sacred.
    One time I walked into Kami's room, and Colten had a brown crayon, drawing FURIOUSLY all over Kami's desk. I was surprised, and frustrated, so I bounded toward him and yelled "Colten, what are you doing!!!!"
    He startled
    Looked at me
    Looked at the crayon
    Looked at the desk
    Looked back at the crayon
    Looked back at me
    Spread his hands bewilderedly and said "Oh...What a mess!"

    L. O. L.!!

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